


Crowley Meets The Neighbourhood Watch

by Quefish



Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [9]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Crowley Loves the Bentley (Good Omens), Crowley changes physical characteristics on the fly, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Genderqueer Crowley (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Implied Sexual Content, Kinktober 2019, Mentioned bondage, Other, R.P. Tyler is a Wildcard (Good Omens), Utter Balderdash Crackfic, Writer Has Regrets, mentioned bdsm, red hair fetish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23486539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: Crowley had a quick assignment which took him through Tadfield. He decided to come back to foment some mischief before getting back to work.Forcing this to be my Kinktober Day 22 entry, Red.Can be found atDrunk Storytime with QuefishCW: Crowley makes mention of pity for human labels; Crowley decides to change his corporation on the fly to accomplish a temptation for fun, this includes physical characteristics. Nothing is named, his pronouns (internal monologue/reader POV) do not change
Relationships: Crowley/R.P. Tyler (Good Omens)
Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644778
Comments: 35
Kudos: 62





	Crowley Meets The Neighbourhood Watch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IneffableAlien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IneffableAlien/gifts).



Crowley sped down picturesque country roads irritatingly wondering what the importance of this assignment was. He didn’t like passengers in the Bentley, except the angel. The angel was courteous, respected his car, and Crowley appreciated the attitude. Occasionally he would be interrupted via the radio by Head Office, but he’d never had a demon actually ride along. 

But tonight, there was a _human_ in his car. An American human. A human who hadn’t shut up since picking him up outside London. Bloody Americans. Just can’t appreciate silence, at all. The effusive praise about the Bentley had been alright, but he really didn’t care about the human’s sister and her kids, the human’s best friend from college, the human’s last holiday overseas or whatever else had come spilling out of his mouth. Who was this human anyway?

“David. David Smith, Master Crowley.”

That’s right. Satanist. The only reason he was able to be convinced the human was useful enough to be in his car. Still had no idea what was going on, or why he was in the middle of nowhere. What was so important for this human to do that he had to be involved?

“Making sure that the hospital is not prepared, of course.”

Crowley shrugged, disinterested. What was the big deal about a hospital not being ready? Must be a decent enough reason, a good and nefarious reason. 

The human continued nattering on as they drove through an idyllic village, one of those places that actually applies for Village of the Year, and probably wins it sometimes. People were out walking their dogs and talking to each other with smiles and everything. He slowly rolled to a stop and reached over to roll the window open.

“Excuse me, sorry to bother you, I seem to’ve got slightly lost. Tadfield Airbase?”

A fussy gent was walking and carrying a freshly weaned pup despite being in a smart sweater and tie. He turned, eyeing the classic car first before turning his attention to the speaker. 

“Mmm, yes. R.P. Tyler, Neighbourhood Watch. Young man, that is a lovely car you have.” He leaned down a bit to look into the car and his eyes were drawn to the vivid shock of red hair on the driver. “Airbase, you said?”

Crowley nodded, accepting the compliment and affirming the query. A sly grin curled his lips as he listened to the directions and he inhaled deeply. _Greed? No. That’s Envy. Hint of Pride, yes. And, Lust? That’s a bit surprising._

He looked at the gent again as he smiled widely, expressing his thanks for the directions. At least now he could stop for entertainment on the way back to London. He made it to the airbase and dumped his passenger before heading back to Tadfield.

~~~~~

There was a fine, respectable pub in Tadfield, of course. Would have been odd if there wasn’t. The kind of place that families would be just as welcome as strangers, and a good thing for it. Apparently some of the Americans from the Airbase would come by sometimes. And lucky for Crowley, one Neighbourhood Watch representative had decided to pop in for high tea before retiring for the evening.

Crowley found himself a table in the corner and put in a drink order. He relaxed, draping himself artfully in his chair, giving out a ‘come hither’ vibe. 

He was mildly put out at how many people approached him over the next hour, considering he was only looking to mess with one particular person. Men and women alike got shot down; the most recent was a gentle giant type who reminded him of Aziraphale, if he’d chosen to appear American. He took care with that one, it was the first time he’d ever been brave enough to approach anyone, and Crowley wasn’t a _complete_ asshole. After he finally was able to get away from Ameri-phale, he checked the pub only to find that his target was no longer at his table. He made his way to the bar to pay his tab, disappointed in himself for allowing blonde curls and a pretty smile to distract him.

Crowley sauntered toward the Bentley and slowed as he saw the car being checked over. He grins as he looks over the man. Dark, slightly receding hair, short and neat beard and mustache, and keen blue eyes. Definitely not his type, but nothing wrong with having a little fun. He licked his lips, finding the bitter flavor of Envy on the air.

“Am I parked wrong?”

“Eeh?” The man looked up.

“Aowh, well. I come out and find that a vigilant member of the Neighbourhood Watch is studying my car, I have to wonder what I did wrong, is all.” Crowley gave another toothy smile as he stepped closer, realizing that he was going to tower over the human. He enjoyed the scent of Pride that drifted through the air as he recognized the human’s position of ‘power’.

“Oh, no, not at all, young man. I’m simply admiring her. Can’t imagine anyone who takes such pristine care of a machine like this would be so careless as to not notice parking lines.” Tyler chuckled as Crowley approached. He looked up at the lanky redhead and lost the focus of what he was saying. 

Crowley smirked and leaned against the Bentley, draping an arm on the roof. “She is lovely. Only one owner, my pride and joy.”

R.P. chuckled. “Well, obviously more than one young man, you didn’t take her off the line, after all.”

“Right. Yeah, meant, err … one owning family. My family, handed the car down. From new. S’mine now.”

The human nodded, accepting the explanation. Made sense to keep a machine like that in the family, raise children with proper respect and pride in one’s possessions.

Crowley took in a sharp breath and smiled as he tasted a strong Covet enter the air. He could tell this one wasn’t _really_ headed downstairs; he was just a run-of-the-mill human, a mix of sin and virtue that was tipped upwards. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have fun watching a human experiencing the Big Sins. It was a heady cocktail of scents. There was one more that he enjoyed inspiring, even if the effects could be tiresome. He had a feeling that this one would just be entertaining. He switched on the extra charm.

“So, Neighbourhood Watch. Mr R.P. Tyler. You had a lovely little pup earlier, left at home with the wife so you could patrol?”

There was a quick dismissal of the question. “Oh, no, wife’s gone visiting family. But I did set the pup home before coming out. Eventually he’ll be able to come along the entire route, of course.” R.P. tried to feel guilty about staring at the stranger’s hair, but just couldn’t bring himself to it. “And you, what brings you to Tadfield? Here on holiday? Renting? Anywhere close by?”

Crowley grinned again as the earthy spice of Lust joined the scents on the air. But subdued. He paused as he parsed it out. “Naw, not me. Just passing by. Drove a co-worker over to the base and then popped in here to see if there was anything worth enjoying in the area,” He tilted his head as he figured it out. There had been another subdued spike of Lust as he mentioned looking for something to enjoy … the poor human was confused. 

Crowley truly pitied humans as they made up their odd rules about body parts, clothing, labels, names … well, everything really. Crowley rarely cared what anyone called him, it all depended on how he felt at the time, but mistakes happened and it wasn’t important enough to him to be upset. But humans had all these little boxes about whether things were acceptable or not … he fell into the ‘Not’ box for Mr Tyler, and so it was confusing to still have attraction. Well, he could help that, a little.

He made a few subtle visible changes that would help the poor human believe he’d been mistaken, as well as changing underneath just in case. The hair was already long, but now the ankle cut of his trousers gave the appearance of wearing heels instead of boots to ‘explain’ his height. He shifted his stance as the clothing cut altered slightly, accentuating hips and drawing focus from his shoulders. 

Crowley could feel the change in the human within moments, and he dragged his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t change the voice this late in the game, but he took on a more conspiratorial whisper. “Well, hard to believe any woman would leave a handsome man behind. Never know _what_ kind of shenanigans are lurking around the corner, waiting for the right opportunity to pounce.”

The human was blinking as his brain rearranged what it knew. “I feel I owe you an apology, young person. I’ve been saying Young Man and … ?“

“Don’t worry about it, happens all the time. It’s the height that throws people off first.” Crowley tilted his head a bit and smiled and R.P. seemed to relax. Crowley noted the hour and checked that the pub was still open, never could tell in small villages like this. “Can I interest you in a drink, Mr Tyler?”

R.P. looked up and down the street as he considered. It suddenly occurred to him, he didn’t even know this woman’s name! “Certainly, Miss … ?”

“Crowley. Antoinette Crowley.” He smiled broadly as R.P. offered his arm to go back into the pub.

~~~~~

Crowley looked around the perfectly patterned living room, his eyes landing on a wedding photo of a young R.P. and a tall red haired bride. He smirked. He loved humans, they were so predictable.

“Are you coming Miss Crowley?” He followed the voice coming from a small bedroom.

“Of course I … I … am? Oh … my.” R.P. was standing in a small bedroom made up of dark wood and pastels. His shirt sleeves were rolled to the elbow and he was arranging leather shackles attached to the cushioned headboard. Crowley was impressed, they actually looked rather comfortable. He looked at the side table next to the bed where a variety of impact implements were artfully arranged. His eyes were round and his mouth was open.

“Jacket off, Miss Crowley, and kneel here, if you please.”

“Oh wow ... Yes, Sir, Mr Tyler.” Crowley’s smile threatened to split his face as he threw his jacket onto the chair and sauntered over. He loved humans, they were SO unpredictable.

~~~~~ 

There was a little more swish in Crowley’s walk as he left the house a few hours later and he gave a happy hiss as he sat in the Bentley. His bones felt just a little looser than usual; who’d have thought that uptight do-gooder had it in him?

He checked his phone as he pulled away, rolling his eyes at receiving a text message from Hell. It had an address and a note, he was expected to meet with two Dukes of Hell for his next assignment ... in about five minutes. 

“Well, hasn’t this been a busy day.”

**Author's Note:**

> OMG PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME! ... 
> 
> Ok, yeah, go ahead LOL
> 
> SO! This comes from a game of FMK in a FB group. I have multiple times said that RP Tyler was F-able, because "You know that uptight fucker has a wild side." ... So yeah, then this happened.
> 
> Bring it on, tell me what you think :)


End file.
